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LITERATURE

 » Full Dark, No Stars - Stephen King's new novella questions mankind's ability to trust others.
[02.21.2011 by Bridget Doyle]

MUSIC

 » The Top 30 Albums of 2010 - Fashionably, fabulously late, our favorite music (and believe me, there was a LOT) of 2010, the year that some have called the best year for music ever. And only some of those fools work here. Plenty of usual suspects, lots of ties and a few surprises that I won't spoil, including our unexpected #1.
[12.24.2010 by The LAS Staff]

MUSIC

 » Live: Surfer Blood/The Drums at Lincoln Hall, Chicago, IL - Remember when Weezer used to put together records that you could sing along to and rock out to? That's what Surfer Blood's show was like!
[11.04.2010 by Cory Tendering]

Music Reviews

Screaming Females - Castle Talk
»Screaming Females
Castle Talk
Don Giovanni
Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross - The Social Network [Original Soundtrack]
»Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross
The Social Network [Original Soundtrack]
The Null Corporation
Deerhunter - Halcyon Digest
»Deerhunter
Halcyon Digest
4AD
No Age - Everything in Between
»No Age
Everything in Between
Sub Pop
Robyn - Body Talk Pt. 1/ Body Talk Pt. 2
»Robyn
Body Talk Pt. 1/ Body Talk Pt. 2
Konichiwa
The Walkmen - Lisbon
»The Walkmen
Lisbon
Fat Possum
Malachi
These Sounds of the Spirit World
self-release

Rating: NR/10 ?


October 1, 2004
So the other night I was drinking some who-shot with some friends at a bar. It was Friday night, we had just gotten paid, and we were looking for a little gimcrack. I was particularly looking for some twink because I had been spending too much time in the spirit world. It was starting to be too much, so tonight I was going to try shilohing. I was a little on edge because my friends had already called me a power shield and said I'd have more fun riding the ponies of darkness. All I could say was, "Love a man," and buy another who-shot. Then while voy's lifing I noticed the una requita de aquella across the bar. "Fuck shilohing," I thought, "Tonight's the night for steeding and it's about time I take it and wear it on a necklace."

I had another who-shot and realized that I was effed. I knew if I went over and tried to talk to her I was endanger of glope gliding, but I guess that's what happens when you are phew-treffed.

"Hi. Can I buy you a drink?"

"Why don't you draw these legs."

I was about to give her the silencio, but I gave it another shot.

"How about a who-shot?"

"Make it an anti-bolshevik and I might consider it"

So we get to talking and this girl is totally balls nagical. After many more anti-bolsheviks we went back to my place and I got some gimcrack. The whole night was so Spring Break '99 . The next day I was telling my friends about the four times beaver that I went home with when they said she looked more like a BBS woman. Maybe it is time for shilohing.

* All bold words are slang of the band and are defined in the album's liner notes. Warning: do not get this album solely to satisfy your curiosity about what theses words mean. Save yourself the time and money and make something up. Unless you like misogynistic frat-boy pop songs that read like the above story, Malachai has nothing to offer anyone over twelve year old potty humor. I really have no idea how this band got off the bar stool or put down the bong long enough to record this.

Reviewed by Kevin Alfoldy
An aspiring global adventurer who cut his teeth on the sandy beaches and dirty bitches of Southern California, Kevin Alfoldy now spends his non-vacation days in Brooklyn, New York, where he occasionally finds the time to rub the crust out of his eyes long enough to contribute reviews and feature articles for LAS. A longtime staff member, Kevin also captains the tattered, often half-sunk raft of EPmd, our irregular column of EP reviews.

See other reviews by Kevin Alfoldy

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