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Music Reviews

Screaming Females - Castle Talk
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Castle Talk
Don Giovanni
Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross - The Social Network [Original Soundtrack]
»Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross
The Social Network [Original Soundtrack]
The Null Corporation
Deerhunter - Halcyon Digest
Halcyon Digest
No Age - Everything in Between
»No Age
Everything in Between
Sub Pop
Robyn - Body Talk Pt. 1/ Body Talk Pt. 2
Body Talk Pt. 1/ Body Talk Pt. 2
The Walkmen - Lisbon
»The Walkmen
Fat Possum
Porn On the Cob
Tachist Records

Rating: NR/10 ?

October 1, 2004
This is insane! I'm actually listening to this disc. The "band" is called Chikmountain. Why? It doesn't matter. The disc, Porn on the Cob, I chuckled. They call this music "hardcore ambient sound collage", that's a politically correct name for "noisy bullshit".

Before you get the idea that I'm diss'n this record, allow me to digress. Do you remember the hidden track on Nirvana's Nevermind? Now imagine ten songs like that... in a row. Ridiculous. On Nevermind, that track could be conceived as the "icing on the cake", a trashy piece of annoying genius that almost makes you laugh. It's contrast to "Something in the Way" (and then the several minutes of silence) made it jump up and slap you if you weren't paying attention. This Porn Cob record has a mild version of that same effect on the first track, but it grows old quickly. While at first, it may inspire a giggle at it's hideousness, or a snicker at it's obnoxiousness, the smile soon becomes a frown, and then a pissed off scowl, and then, about half way through, laughter returns because of the lost marbles.

All ten of these tracks are incoherent guitar fuzz and muckitty muck with various samples, screams, moans, drum garbage, clicks, whistles, hums, bings, bangs, and possibly a few bongs but I cannot say for certain. If these songs can be duplicated live, then I put my hands together and rise to my feet, applauding the musicians who are capable of such a thing.

I listened to this entire disc, and after I regained my balance, sense of direction, and sanity, I played it again and began to type this review. So there is my excuse for lack of form and direction. I have to hand it to Chikmountian, they really got inside of my head with this record. If that was their intent...Bravo! I guess I would even say (and it surprises me to do so) that there is some entertainment value to this disc. Like I said, it did make me laugh. It took me on an emotional roller coaster ride, and I lost my lunch.

I also had found humor in the titles of the tracks. "Turn Up the Music (the Air Conditioner's Mocking Me)", "Wronghole", and "Love Won't Pay the Bills", are a bit humorous to me. But the biggest yuck-yuck of all came when I read that the "static and tape hiss samples on tracks one through six" were contributed by DJ Retarded Satan. Priceless.

Reviewed by Ryan Guffey

See other reviews by Ryan Guffey



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