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LITERATURE

 » Full Dark, No Stars - Stephen King's new novella questions mankind's ability to trust others.
[02.21.2011 by Bridget Doyle]

MUSIC

 » The Top 30 Albums of 2010 - Fashionably, fabulously late, our favorite music (and believe me, there was a LOT) of 2010, the year that some have called the best year for music ever. And only some of those fools work here. Plenty of usual suspects, lots of ties and a few surprises that I won't spoil, including our unexpected #1.
[12.24.2010 by The LAS Staff]

MUSIC

 » Live: Surfer Blood/The Drums at Lincoln Hall, Chicago, IL - Remember when Weezer used to put together records that you could sing along to and rock out to? That's what Surfer Blood's show was like!
[11.04.2010 by Cory Tendering]

Music Reviews

Screaming Females - Castle Talk
»Screaming Females
Castle Talk
Don Giovanni
Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross - The Social Network [Original Soundtrack]
»Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross
The Social Network [Original Soundtrack]
The Null Corporation
Deerhunter - Halcyon Digest
»Deerhunter
Halcyon Digest
4AD
No Age - Everything in Between
»No Age
Everything in Between
Sub Pop
Robyn - Body Talk Pt. 1/ Body Talk Pt. 2
»Robyn
Body Talk Pt. 1/ Body Talk Pt. 2
Konichiwa
The Walkmen - Lisbon
»The Walkmen
Lisbon
Fat Possum
Some Girls
Heaven's Pregnant Teens
Epitaph

Rating: 7.5/10 ?


March 1, 2006
The following is an excerpt from a phone conversation I, Kevin, had recently with my brother, Brett.

---
Kevin: What's up, Brett?

Brett: Nothing much, just noodling around on the guitar.

K: Wow, don't let me interrupt.

B: Shut up, dick, I just got back from school.

K: Oh yeah, barber or clown?

B: Good one, Kev. Original and funny. Is there a point to this phone call?

K: Yeah, I don't want to keep you from playing the opening chords of "Bankrupt on Selling" over and over again. Can't I check up on my widdle brother?

B: I hate you.

K: No you don't. Have you heard the new Locust album?

B: That seriously can't be why you called.

K: Just asking.

B: I've heard a Locust album, does that count?

K: No, no, this one is different.

B: Yeah, I'm sure. What, do they wear different costumes or something?

K: No, really, it's different. It's a collection of movements spread out over two longer tracks.

B: That's the most retarded thing I have ever heard. Movements? Remember when we went to see them at the Che Café and the guy who was hanging naked from the rafters during their set turned out to be the singer for the opening band? Or when I was playing Flight of the Wounded Locust a little too loudly when dad was home and he threatened to shoot my stereo? I'm sure those movements are right up there with anything Mozart's done.

K: All right, I see your point. But, as hard as it is to believe, Safety Second, Body Last is easily their most accessible album yet. It's only a matter of time before they are on TRL.

B: Yeah fucking right.

K: Actually, there is no fucking way are they going to be on TRL. But there are some weird instrumental interludes in-between the screaming stuff. And even the screaming part is toned down. Kind of. Overall, it's a lot easier to digest that the usual blast of fifteen songs in twelve minutes. I guess, ultimately, the Locust are the Locust and you kind of know what you are getting.

B: Yeah, you're getting a CD that you pay about a buck a minute for that sounds like a couple of cats fighting in a spaceship.

K: Fair enough. Have you heard the new Some Girls CD?

B: Seriously Kevin, you can't really listen to this stuff.

K: Why not?

B: It's all pretty unbearable. Kevin is everything alright? Do we need to call mom and tell her that her little Kevy has something wrong with him?

K: Shut up, Brett.

B: Fine, please continue to tell me how good Some Girls are.

K: They are good. Even though they are part of the whole incestuous San Diego crazy hardcore scene and share a band member with the Locust, they manage to create their own brand of horrendously brutal music.

B: I'm pretty sure dad would still call it crap.

K: He calls anything that was made after 1978 crap. In case you forgot, dad's the one who still listens to Eddie Money on his tape deck.

B: And his master plan is to digitize all of his records into MP3's, even though he doesn't know how to check his email.

K: I thought you showed him how.

B: I have, like ten times. And if you want to see something really funny, stick around the next time he tries to answer his cell phone.

K: Back to Some Girls. Sure, they're aren't exactly subtle by calling their CD Heaven's Pregnant Teens and having pictures of a pregnant nun smoking in the layout, but I don't think they were ever exactly shooting for subtlety.

B: A pregnant, smoking nun? Holy fucking shit - pun intended. I'm sure the songs are all about puppies and rainbows.

K: Yeah, totally. Like it even matters when the songs are this fast, short, and ferocious. They could sing about how warm they felt all over the first time they kissed a girl and I would still be terrified.

B: Have you ever kissed a girl?

K: Yeah, your mom.

B: Dude, you're sick, she's your mom too.

K: Shit, I can't believe I just said that.

B: Why don't you go kiss a pregnant, smoking nun, like your new favorite band?

K: You're an asshole. I don't care what you say; the last song on the album is unstoppable.

Reviewed by Kevin Alfoldy
An aspiring global adventurer who cut his teeth on the sandy beaches and dirty bitches of Southern California, Kevin Alfoldy now spends his non-vacation days in Brooklyn, New York, where he occasionally finds the time to rub the crust out of his eyes long enough to contribute reviews and feature articles for LAS. A longtime staff member, Kevin also captains the tattered, often half-sunk raft of EPmd, our irregular column of EP reviews.

See other reviews by Kevin Alfoldy

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