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LITERATURE

 » Full Dark, No Stars - Stephen King's new novella questions mankind's ability to trust others.
[02.21.2011 by Bridget Doyle]

MUSIC

 » The Top 30 Albums of 2010 - Fashionably, fabulously late, our favorite music (and believe me, there was a LOT) of 2010, the year that some have called the best year for music ever. And only some of those fools work here. Plenty of usual suspects, lots of ties and a few surprises that I won't spoil, including our unexpected #1.
[12.24.2010 by The LAS Staff]

MUSIC

 » Live: Surfer Blood/The Drums at Lincoln Hall, Chicago, IL - Remember when Weezer used to put together records that you could sing along to and rock out to? That's what Surfer Blood's show was like!
[11.04.2010 by Cory Tendering]

Music Reviews

Screaming Females - Castle Talk
»Screaming Females
Castle Talk
Don Giovanni
Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross - The Social Network [Original Soundtrack]
»Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross
The Social Network [Original Soundtrack]
The Null Corporation
Deerhunter - Halcyon Digest
»Deerhunter
Halcyon Digest
4AD
No Age - Everything in Between
»No Age
Everything in Between
Sub Pop
Robyn - Body Talk Pt. 1/ Body Talk Pt. 2
»Robyn
Body Talk Pt. 1/ Body Talk Pt. 2
Konichiwa
The Walkmen - Lisbon
»The Walkmen
Lisbon
Fat Possum
Mercury Switch
If You Loved Me, You'd Take Me To The City
Indianola Records

Rating: NR/10 ?


October 1, 2004
So, when I'm sitting in one of my plush new pews recently installed in my own personal house of worship, a properly zoned and constructed extension of my living room, and me and the Big G are shooting the breeze, sometimes Big G asks me to toss on a tune or two- you know, to break up the serenity and to give the angels something to sway to.

Usually, I have plenty of DC Talk at the ready or even a Jars of Clay ditty, but just last week, Big G says to me "How 'bout something with a little oomph, you know, some of that ole wrath I'm so fond of. How's that Payable On Delivery band?"

"That's Payable On Death. You know, P.O.D.?" I responded, trying to recall the last time Big G contradicted His widely accepted omniscience. With a shadow of doubt looming and a creeping anxiety consuming me because I hadn't masturbated in seven years since I was positive He was watching, I quickly grabbed the first CD I saw and waved it about.

"You know Big G, P.O.D. is so played. They're a bunch of posers. Try some of this- it's Christian hardcore!" I gently set the disc in the tray and hit play. Once the first riff blared, I knew Big G was in for a treat. Double kick bass, chugging guitar, piercing screams of torment: metalcore- this was truly God's music.

"Say, this brings back memories!" God's voice slowly echoed as He trailed off into memory, something about His most favored Lucifer and how the perfection of heaven was wracked by pride even though imperfection couldn't exist within gates of pristine pearl. "It was a design flaw. Something I should have caught in the beginning!" God chuckled.

I laughed nervously trying to focus on the music- the screams and guitar slowing for melodic vocal breaks and slowed instrumentals.

"Hey!" the ceiling shook as Big G bellowed. "Singing? What happened to the screaming? Well, this won't do. It won't do at all!"

"Yeah! Not at all!" I stumbled towards the stop button hoping that I could end His displeasure before the lightening started flying.

"You know, I really like me that Metallica. The old stuff, I mean. The Ulrich boy has a thing with Big D, but Hetfield? Twelve Hail Marys and five Our Fathers every night. Such a good boy!"

"Oh, I agree. Absolutely."

Yup. Last week sure was strange. Good thing I had a copy of Master Of Puppets I recently burned off the Internet. Big G sure likes the opening track, "Battery".

Reviewed by David Spain
Based in Chicago, Illinois, David Spain is a contributing writer for LAS magazine.

See other reviews by David Spain

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