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 » Full Dark, No Stars - Stephen King's new novella questions mankind's ability to trust others.
[02.21.2011 by Bridget Doyle]

MUSIC

 » The Top 30 Albums of 2010 - Fashionably, fabulously late, our favorite music (and believe me, there was a LOT) of 2010, the year that some have called the best year for music ever. And only some of those fools work here. Plenty of usual suspects, lots of ties and a few surprises that I won't spoil, including our unexpected #1.
[12.24.2010 by The LAS Staff]

MUSIC

 » Live: Surfer Blood/The Drums at Lincoln Hall, Chicago, IL - Remember when Weezer used to put together records that you could sing along to and rock out to? That's what Surfer Blood's show was like!
[11.04.2010 by Cory Tendering]

Music Reviews

Screaming Females - Castle Talk
»Screaming Females
Castle Talk
Don Giovanni
Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross - The Social Network [Original Soundtrack]
»Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross
The Social Network [Original Soundtrack]
The Null Corporation
Deerhunter - Halcyon Digest
»Deerhunter
Halcyon Digest
4AD
No Age - Everything in Between
»No Age
Everything in Between
Sub Pop
Robyn - Body Talk Pt. 1/ Body Talk Pt. 2
»Robyn
Body Talk Pt. 1/ Body Talk Pt. 2
Konichiwa
The Walkmen - Lisbon
»The Walkmen
Lisbon
Fat Possum
Boylion
Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select Start
MOC Records

Rating: NR/10 ?


October 1, 2004
I know that nobody is going to believe this, but when I was in high school, I played in a band and we named our first tape (back before CD burners were all the rage) Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select Start. So, you can imagine my surprise and total amusement when Boylion's Konami code-baring album showed up in my mailbox.

My first instinct was to email them and tell them how they are so 5 years ago, but all it took was to simply listen to the record and realize that they must know that already. Boylion is pretty much your typical played out emo band, who think they are clever for liking Nintendo and having some random keyboards filter throughout their ridiculously lame and predictable songs. Pretty much every note rattled off on Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select Start has been done before, when it was released the first time and called Four Minute Mile. They even got the shitty production values down pat, as they attempt to make a Fender Stratocaster sound tuff (though the task is virtually impossible, unless you are Doug Martsch), and the sloppy drumming and muddy keyboard nonsense is pretty unforgivable. Of course, their uninspired brand of rock would not be complete without somebody trying to sing like the fat dude from the Get Up Kids, with less success of course.

These four lads and one lady should be embarrassed that they are actually producing this kind of juvenile drivel, which essentially takes the emo-song-book and copies each cliché page for page. I hope that people out there see through this type of ass-a-tronic shite, and Boylion is basically removed from the world's musical palette. It is my sole belief that this record will garner enough bad press to convince them to go back to the high school talent show circuit, so my band can once again gain sole rights to Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select Start, and continue to master Gradius, Contra, and Life-force.

Reviewed by Ryan Allen
A former staff writer with fabulous hair, Ryan Allen once fronted Red Shirt Brigade with his brother, Scott. He currently fronts the art/fashion punk band Thunderbirds Are Now!, with is brother, Scott.

See other reviews by Ryan Allen

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